McGwire shocks the world

Former Big Leaguer Mark McGwire has finally gone public with an admission of steroid use for more than a decade during his baseball career, including the ’98 season when he broke the homerun record by launching 70 over the wall.

In other news, the sky is blue, the Leafs stink and evolution really happens.

“I am not here to discuss the past,” says another moronic superstar as he blindly stares at Congress, believing there might actually be some lobotomized hillbilly out there who won’t crack through his force field of brainpower.

I mean, congratulations and all for not lying – per say – like some of the even dumber athletes… cough, cough, Clemens… cough, cough, Bonds, but isn’t coming clean now just an open invitation for the world to point and laugh some more? Couldn’t you have just kept your now lifelong battle with bacne to yourself?

Now they say Sammy Sosa, who finished second in dingers in ’98 with 66, is next on the agenda of outing steroid users of the past. My guess is Sosa would have already come clean on the issue if he had any capabilities of constructing an articulate sentence in the first place. In fact, if you go back to the tapes from that year and slow down the audio speed in his interviews enough, I bet you’ll find he was saying it all along.

To me, all this upheaval of washed up cheaters is like catching a 90-year-old criminal from the ‘60s. Yeah, OK, justice is served but who really cares anymore?

Allow me to clear up the entire controversy. They all did it. And those that didn’t do it likely sucked. I’m sick of the heat on the superstars anyway.

I say we should only be going after the low-end bubble players. Think about it. The superstars would be in the Bigs even without the steroids but the bubble players needed the juice to get over the hump because, without it they’d be Toledo Mudhens.

Take Greg Zaun. That guy’s name was on the famous Mitchell Report as a user and he still couldn’t throw a ball to second base. Tommy Lasorda could’ve stolen a base on this man’s arm and yet he had a Big League roster spot while some kid with a future sat in the minors.

I say line Zauner up in front of Congress and let’s catch us a real thief.


5 Responses to “McGwire shocks the world”

  1. kale.renner Says:


    You know I liked reading these back at the College and I am glad that I will be able to read more.

    Keep it up!

  2. haha…that’s a classic take buddy.

  3. c.n.roberts Says:

    I thought everyone called him BIG MAC cause he ate at McDonalds alot and that’s how he got big hit home runs. “I’m Lovin’ It.”

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