A somewhat-anticipated debut

Well ladies and gentleman (more like lady and gentleman – Hi Mom, Hi Dad!), after a lengthy delay caused by Holiday riffraff and at least one lazy Nissan engineer somewhere in Osaka, I’m finally making my Shmitzy Says – Internet debut.
For those who don’t know me, I am a freelance writer currently living in Lethbridge, who became extremely well known among a solid 30 people during my college days, with a weekly sports column titled Shmitzy Says.
Those of you who somehow actually do know me, you might know this site has been dormant since its birth, well over a month ago. It’s to you I am most sorry for the delay. (But not really)
But enough of that nonsense, I hate long buildups. So here it is: tada.

A number of possibilities have come our way recently that could have made great topics for my first blog. Some are now old news, some were even no news but almost all were definitely big news.
So, as I often like to do, I have decided to compile a small potpourri of things that have been on my mind in the world of sports over the last month or so.

1. So long, Roy
The Toronto Blue Jays finally made the months of speculation and rumours a reality when they sealed the envelope on a trade sending Roy Halladay to the Philadelphia Phillies for three top prospects.
What this means is fans of the little birdies get at least another two or three seasons of rebuilding tacked onto the 16-straight they’ve endured so far. Fans of the Phillies get four years of Cy Young potential from the most dominant pitcher alive, aided by one of the best lineups in the game.
A healthy Doc, with run support, could seriously win 100 games in that span. As for the Jays, wake me if they ever get a magic number.

2. Cheetah Woods
Is Tiger Woods an idiot because he is bazillionaire, with a ridiculously beautiful wife (and even more beautiful life), yet still felt the need to sleep with – among many – a waitress from Perkins? Well, of course.
But let me just say, I have never turned on the Masters to see if the man can calculate the decimal points of Pi. I only care – as everyone should – about his golf game, which is still the only reason other than gambling to pay attention to the PGA.
Everything else about him is irrelevant. Let me put it this way: he’s possibly the greatest mental athlete anyone has ever seen but he can’t steer an SUV 100 feet with an angry blonde chasing him.
He’s just a man folks.

3. Yankee Pride
From the bottom of my heart, I want to congratulate the Americans for their gold-medal victory in Saskatoon last week at the World Junior Hockey Championships. They were faster and more skilled than Canada (in both games actually) and are clearly producing world-class talent annually. But since Mike Milbury, who somehow has weekly airtime on CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada, felt the need to gloat on Canadian national TV, albeit in attempted humour, I just wanted to ask one quick question.
I wonder if John Tavares, Steven Stamkos, Evander Kane, Matt Duchene, Ryan O’Reilly, Tyler Myers, Michael Del Zotto or James Wright were able to see the gold medal game live?

4. Check out that stride

Speaking of the World Juniors, Taylor Hall is going to be a good one but did anyone ever actually watch this kid skate? He looks like Gaetan Boucher drunk. Don’t get me wrong, he gets himself there but Hall gets no points whatsoever for style. Eat your heart out Jeremy Wotherspoon.

5. Welcome back, Washington Bullets
Gilbert Arenas has been suspended indefinitely without pay by NBA commissioner David Stern, after pulling a gun on a teammate in the locker room, then publically lying about it, then publically joking around about it and then finally saying there was nothing wrong with it because the gun wasn’t loaded and he only stores his artillery at the office so his kids don’t get their hands on it.
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact this kind of injustice on someone is tolerated, when they can only be described as a responsible parent, or the fact teammate Javaris Crittenton had the gall to pull out his own pistol in retaliation.
That’s Agent Zero, kid.

6. Always trust a winner
Hockey U.S.A. has put their Olympic trust in the two men responsible for the mighty Toronto Maple Leafs and the resulting team will suffer in exact proportion. (All grammatically incorrect Leaves’ fans please stop reciting Burke’s hand-me-down successes in Anaheim and never-quite-good-enoughs in Vancouver)
Note to the GM of the 2014 team, if the League sends players: when Canada takes 13 forwards with 30-plus-goal potential, don’t bring Ryan Callahan. And if Chris Drury’s name keeps coming up in your selection meetings, release your entire support staff and start over.
But good luck this go-round Burkey.

7. It seems easy enough
As soon as Steve Yzerman and company announced a Team Canada that didn’t include a name like Rob Zamuner (’98) or Todd Bertuzzi (’06), it became clear to this writer the Red and White is the team to beat. While debate could dominate any conversation leading up to the Games over who should or should not be there, I will simply say Team Canada is a gross example of this country’s depth.
Does anyone doubt whether a second team of 13 forwards, seven defencemen and three goalies could contend for a medal? There will be six good teams in this tournament, all of whom could win, but none with the non-stop capabilities of the home team.
Assuming Niedermayer doesn’t take a shootout turn somewhere along the way, while Crosby watches from the bench, I’m predicting a golden outcome. But just to be safe, don’t let Marc Crawford near the building.

8. Eh, Oh, Canada, NO!
That Pepsi cheer makes me want to cheer for Finland.

9. Trying to be a lundmark player

This has no meaning on the sporting world really but I just thought it was funny. I heard a conversation on the Fan960 radio station in Calgary, geared in the nature of whether Jamie Lundmark was about to establish himself as an everyday NHLer, based on a handful of promising games.
Repeat after me: Boyd Devereaux

Bye for now!


4 Responses to “A somewhat-anticipated debut”

  1. So, I just read your first belated blog…while taking a break from doing the dishes…(I know that those two statements put together sound like the biggest pile of shit to ever leave my lips or fingertips..but its true)

    How dare you…Boyd Devereaux is right up there with Drake Berehowsky
    as perhaps the greatest underappreciated Maple Leafs of all time…

  2. Oh, and your ears look fucked up in your pic

  3. Kellie Smith Says:

    Hey, I’m reading too now, not just your Mom amd Dad! Just kidding! Awesome job! Keep it up! You make me laugh out loud.

    PS. Your ears do seem a little, uh, what’s the word? I’m going to go with “odd” in your picture.

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